A Wondering Heart in Kansas City!

My room is big, my bags mostly unpacked, my bed comfortable, my room cool. I am in Kansas City now. I live here...weird. The weather is the most uncomfortable climate I've ever encountered- it's like breathing underwater. But for now it's home, and one of my favorite things is shutting off my GPS and letting myself get lost...no better way to learn your way around than to drive in circles!

I got here with the help of my dear friend Rachelle...I could not have done it without her! We had so much fun while she was here!! She is such a joy to be around- and man did we laugh...that girl has jokes! I dropped her off at the airport yesterday and today was my first day solo. Not to shabby- very little conversation since right now the only time I really have the chance to talk is when I'm at work. Then I come home to myself! That's ok :) I figure it can be a good thing for awhile. Plus slowly my roommates are filing in! I'm sure we will have fun getting to know each other- a bunch of girls far from all their favorite familiar faces-shouldn't be to hard to get some conversation started!

Still I know this is my time to go low- I know loneliness may not always be the answer and God gives us friends- but part of me wants this quiet season. No one to answer to, nothing to do...what I do with my time and where I place my affections is up to me and I have a blank slate. My hope is to fill this page wisely :)

I hear Jesus speak to me. I have had a few things on my heart lately. Tonight at service I recieved prayer. It was good and I can tell there were things broken off. In worship I asked the Lord for more and then quickly retracted that request...selfish Ashley. Silly girl. But that's not what Jesus said, quickly He reminded me about being a child, kids never think they've had to much of their Dad. "You can always ask for more, with Me there's always enough". Relief! Smack down on that mindset Leir...get more! There is more of Jesus to know...that's all I can think about.

"that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give you a spirit of wisdom and of revelation in the knowledge of Him" Eph. 1:17

I'm stuck at the limits of my understanding. He has to be the one to do it...I can only conceive so much love, so much grace, so much greatness and holiness. But if He breathes it upon me I will know Him more. GAH! Only to taste and see, to fellowship with Him constantly. To go deeper into Him...I long for my heart to be transformed by Him. I don't want to do life without Him. I don't want to do only evenings with Him, I want my days filled with the knowledge of Jesus. Some will say knowledge puffs up...yeaaah it does. But not this kind, not the knowledge of God. Paul said he desired to KNOW nothing BUT Christ and Him crucified! Who cares what you know as long as you know Jesus right????? RIGHT!

The world will debate over this Man, our minds will swirl with thoughts of Him, some right some not so right. But I am not discouraged! Not anymore anyways. I am encouraged! "His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of him who called us to his own glory and excellence" 1 Peter 1:3 (someone gave me that scripture in one of my cards and I was SO thankful for it!) He will give me all I need to live a life of godliness, plus, He'll make sure I have food and toilet paper! Praise God for that too! Jesus has put into my heart Matthew 16:13-20...His big question to us "But who do YOU say that I am?" The revelation of Jesus Christ as the Son of the Living God is given directly from the Father. And once you have that revelation the gates of hell (try hard as they may) CANNOT prevail against it! So as debates persist about the Person of Jesus, be not discouraged- I mean don't shut off someone's opinion because it challenges your way of thinking. They may be right...they may not-who knows! One thing is for sure. He loves us. He will guide us and give us all things pertaining to life and godliness. Flesh and blood doesn't reveal Jesus but the Father who is in heaven, and when He gives us something...nothing can take it away!

Be encouraged by His grace, and if there's nothing else you know to pray right now why not try "Give me a spirit of wisdom and revelation in the knowledge of You."

Love love love love you guys!!